One time, a guy I had been
dating for more than a month
canceled our Saturday night
date, calling an hour before
we were supposed to meet,
telling me that he was “itching all over.” I’m putting that phrase in quotes because
that is exactly what he said. I couldn’t have made it
up if I tried.
I followed this up with the normal
questions a person would ask:
Did you see the doctor?
Are you running a fever?
Are you having an allergic reaction to something?
He couldn’t answer any of my questions. “I don’t
know,” he kept saying over and over. He was
allergic to something alright … dating me. But he
didn’t have the guts to tell me that. So he invented
this mystery itch and then ghosted forever.
Another time, a guy I was dating for over a month
texted me at 5 p.m. on a Saturday night we were
supposed to go on a date saying, “I’m sorry, I just
can’t do this anymore.”
Like … do what? Continue to date me? Or go on
living? Who knows. I responded with an “OK” and
promptly deleted his phone number.
I have more cancellation stories but I don’t want to
bore you. I think you’re getting my point here: I am
sensitive to being canceled on. And with good
reason. Because more times than not, being
canceled on last minute has meant, “I don’t want to
date you anymore.”
I’m sure I’m not alone in my canceling sensitivity.
Given the precarious nature of dating, the slightest
infraction can throw off the equilibrium of your
confidence, and throw you into an awfulizing
spiral.
Is he trying to dump me or does he really have the
flu? Did I miss something last time we hung out? Is
he getting back together with his ex?
You can’t help it, this is just where the brain goes
when it doesn’t know what to think.
So, presuming that you are canceling for a perfectly
good reason and not trying to pull a cowardly
fade-out, it’s important to remember that canceling
on someone you really care about may easily give
wrong impression. If you do need to cancel for a
legitimate reason (you are “itching all over” because you’ve had a bona fide allergic reaction)
here are some things to keep in mind:
DO PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL.
Text and email provide so many opportunities for
misinterpretations and miscommunications.
Cancellations should preferably happen by phone,
provided you are well enough to speak.
DO SUGGEST ANOTHER DAY AND TIME.
If you need to pull the plug on a date last minute,
you best come prepared with other date options so
your date knows not to interpret this as a blow-off.
Example: “I am itching all over and will have to cancel our date tonight, but I’m hoping we can
reschedule for next Wednesday.”
